Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
