Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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