I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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