You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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