What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Two words: nipple clamps
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