Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
