im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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