I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
