I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize