You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
