I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize