I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
