Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
