I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
