are you still at the devil's house?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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