I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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