Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
