We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
