i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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