I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
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He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
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I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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