my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
