My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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