Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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