I wish my penis had an off switch
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
