True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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