Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
