i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
