I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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