a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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