I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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