I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
