the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
