They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
