This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
