She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
