I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
