it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
