I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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