Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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