sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
