if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
