Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
