i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
