Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
now i know why i became what i already was.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
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The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
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the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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