and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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