Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
