very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
