I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
