I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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