I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
