So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
