Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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