He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
