Screwed.edu
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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