sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
