i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
