shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
