Midget sex pt 2 tonight
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
