My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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