bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
