i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This house was built for laser tag.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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