I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
