tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize