these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
