Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
