i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
should my penis look like a turkey
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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