How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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