So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
BRING THE BAGELS
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
