Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
